She was going it alone. Everyone from her world is mad that she's even trying to help. So I thought I'd do that. I thought—for once, I thought I'd try to understand. [The problem comes back to that inability to understand social cues. Anyone with half a brain would put together that her absorption with Kylo Ren and her way of referring to him might mean something else. He just thought that it might help her feel a little less alone.]
I thought ... I guess I thought she'd knew why I couldn't help her. Why I'd just make it worse when it comes to that stuff.
[ Oh, Keith. Lance can start to see where things broke down, at least. ]
It's good that you tried, but you gotta--you gotta talk to people, Keith. You can't just guess what they're thinking. [ He reaches over; Keith is still laid down, and Lance looms over him a bit, one hand on his shoulder. It's an almost big-brotherly gesture. ]
I think you're not giving yourself a chance, there. Even if you're not...into anyone, that doesn't mean you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes.
[ He 100% thinks Keith is telling him that he's asexual/aromantic. Sorry Keith. ]
I gave myself a chance, it just—[Ugh. Ugh. Lance is going to ask him when he gave himself a chance, and then it's going to snowball. For a moment, he freezes up. The brotherly shoulder pat is usually the trick here for someone like Keith, but it just doesn't work.
He shuffles into a better position, sitting up so that he can swing his legs onto the floor. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.]
I know you're gonna ask. So. There's—there's something I need to tell you. [He can't bring himself to meet Lance's gaze.]
[If Keith were really hoping to recover from this and never tell Lance, he would, in fact, say that. But that would require a bit of social awareness and thinking on his feet in social situations that he has never had. He can barely talk about defending the universe in subtle terms. He's not going to pull this one off.]
I already told you that we didn't date! [Someone down the hall probably heard that. Having to shout it also forced him to look at Lance.
His jaw sets as he reels it in. Slightly.]
We did. [A heavy beat.] You and me. Before you left.
[ Forced to confront the truth of what Keith's saying, Lance feels his world lurch on its axis. If Keith's not joking, then Keith and the old Lance dated.
Suddenly all he can see is Keith in front of him. The way they're positioned relative to each other, bodies turned towards each other, knees brushing, Lance's fingers against the meat of Keith's bicep, skin like a red-hot iron under the pads. Keith's sharp nose and jaw and his mouth and dark eyes.
Things slot into place: Keith's red face at the beach, his eyes drawn to Lance's glowing throat in the battle against the ogre, Keith saying she should know why and Hayame saying your companion and Keith sitting next to him and, uncertainly: that other guy and I were the only ones on this team for a while. A lot happened.
[His initial read on Lance's emotions had been nonexistent. So enclosed from the world (an act of his own making), he never got good at others. Half the time, his efforts with Rey and Loki go amiss. This entire conversation is proof of that. And now with Lance—he had failed to understand that Lance needed more from him before. And here he is, messing it up again.
Keith's body language is obvious as he hunches forward, looking out at the wall of his tiny room. Both of the cats move to the floor, debating going out to explore for a while. Who can blame them? His arms draw in on him, but he still doesn't cross them, hanging the forearms loosely against his knees.]
I-I just—[The same sentiment he said to Loki and Rey comes out now:] I just wanted to pretend that it never happened. [Keith knows somewhere deep down inside that he should be offering more words than that, to explain himself, but they seem to never make it to his lips.]
[ Pouring water on a fire seems like a good idea, until you do it. ]
Just--shut up, okay? [ Lance all but jumps up on unsteady legs, throat dry and eyes itching. His whole body is burning with--shame. Anger. Shame. ] I need some air.
[ He's out of the room in three ground-eating strides, nearly tearing the rice-paper door off its track. He leaves Keith with the cats, taking nothing into the twilight but his aching chest and spinning thoughts. ]
[At first, his throat feels tight at the image of the exiting Lance, and then he just feels a stirring of frustration and anger. The emotions are familiar, and at a time like this, familiar feels safe. He grits his teeth, grabs his Marmora blade, and pulls on his boots to head outside and hope he can find someone trying to cause trouble. It's ill-advised when he's still wearing the marks of the day before, but he needs to get his frustration out on something.
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I thought ... I guess I thought she'd knew why I couldn't help her. Why I'd just make it worse when it comes to that stuff.
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It's good that you tried, but you gotta--you gotta talk to people, Keith. You can't just guess what they're thinking. [ He reaches over; Keith is still laid down, and Lance looms over him a bit, one hand on his shoulder. It's an almost big-brotherly gesture. ]
I think you're not giving yourself a chance, there. Even if you're not...into anyone, that doesn't mean you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes.
[ He 100% thinks Keith is telling him that he's asexual/aromantic. Sorry Keith. ]
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He shuffles into a better position, sitting up so that he can swing his legs onto the floor. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.]
I know you're gonna ask. So. There's—there's something I need to tell you. [He can't bring himself to meet Lance's gaze.]
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Wait.
That must mean-- ]
I knew it! You and Rey did date!
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I already told you that we didn't date! [Someone down the hall probably heard that. Having to shout it also forced him to look at Lance.
His jaw sets as he reels it in. Slightly.]
We did. [A heavy beat.] You and me. Before you left.
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[ He never manages to get out whatever was supposed to come next because the words die on his tongue.
Everything seems to--halt, for a moment. Blood roars in his ears. He feels...humiliated? Confused? His back straightens. ]
That's not funny, Keith.
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Can he play it off as a joke?
If Keith were a manga character at this moment, there would be lots of question marks around his head.]
Lance. I—I never joke. Why would I joke about this?
[He does joke, but this isn't ... anywhere near a Keith joke.]
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Suddenly all he can see is Keith in front of him. The way they're positioned relative to each other, bodies turned towards each other, knees brushing, Lance's fingers against the meat of Keith's bicep, skin like a red-hot iron under the pads. Keith's sharp nose and jaw and his mouth and dark eyes.
Things slot into place: Keith's red face at the beach, his eyes drawn to Lance's glowing throat in the battle against the ogre, Keith saying she should know why and Hayame saying your companion and Keith sitting next to him and, uncertainly: that other guy and I were the only ones on this team for a while. A lot happened.
He jerks back as if scalded.
'A lot', huh? Lance feels sick. ]
Because. That's--how could--Keith. [ Betrayal, sort of. ] Why didn't you tell me?!
[ Belore and Lion startle from the tone, but it's more like a hiss than a yell. ]
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Keith's body language is obvious as he hunches forward, looking out at the wall of his tiny room. Both of the cats move to the floor, debating going out to explore for a while. Who can blame them? His arms draw in on him, but he still doesn't cross them, hanging the forearms loosely against his knees.]
I-I just—[The same sentiment he said to Loki and Rey comes out now:] I just wanted to pretend that it never happened. [Keith knows somewhere deep down inside that he should be offering more words than that, to explain himself, but they seem to never make it to his lips.]
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Just--shut up, okay? [ Lance all but jumps up on unsteady legs, throat dry and eyes itching. His whole body is burning with--shame. Anger. Shame. ] I need some air.
[ He's out of the room in three ground-eating strides, nearly tearing the rice-paper door off its track. He leaves Keith with the cats, taking nothing into the twilight but his aching chest and spinning thoughts. ]
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Anything.]