secondnature | open post (general)

It still feels like you were there. [Keith knows that isn't true. It is in one way—he was in the Black Lion the entire time—but he knows how difficult it was for Shiro to maintain a presence when he connected with him there. It wasn't like Shiro was just hanging out in Black's head. He had saved Shiro's life, but life and its essence were way more complicated than all of that.

As it is, he wishes Lance were here. If anyone loves hearing themselves talk while giving other people the rundown on what they missed, it's Lance. Keith doesn't like being in this spot. Heck, it was nice to have to be forced to experience his past and what happened with his parents. Krolia's not the type of person to want to do exposition, either.]

But uh ... [Keith studies his open box of pizza. His hands absently grab for the cheese bread, but he accidentally takes the entire thing of it, and moves to pull it apart and drop the rest back in. Well, at least it's partly split up now.]

I guess you know Zarkon didn't really die that day. Lotor was named Emperor in his place, but he had plans of his own. I took over piloting the Black Lion, but I couldn't do it for long. After we found ... that "Shiro," I started asking him to step in. I don't know a lot of what happened with the team once Black accepted him again. I know they built up the coalition. I worked with the Blade. And met my mom. And then everything went down with Lotor. I think you know the rest.

[There are like fifteen beats missed there and they're all things Keith knows.

He also, unsurprisingly, skipped Certain Parts.]

I mean...I was, effectively. Maybe not me but close.

[ He can remember most of what the other Shiro, other him does, even if it's a little bit murkier than his own. Everything is murky at this point, though, so that's not saying much, really. While he reaches for another slice of pizza he watches Keith, trying not to study every single movement and analyze what it means even as he does it.

When it's done, Shiro finishes chewing and weighs his words a moment, not wanting to say the wrong thing, especially when he remembers how poorly this other him and Keith interacted at times. It wasn't Keith's fault, but Shiro wasn't sure if he knew that. Hell, he's not even sure if Haggar had anything to do with it, or if it was just...him. ]

I'm sorry about how difficult things were with him. Me. I know it's never really been like that before, disagreeing to that extent. You did a good - no, a great job with the team. You got them to this point and I'm proud of how far you've come.

I showed up when I needed to. [Keith knows it's a noncommittal answer. He had taken Black when he needed to, and he knows he did well there. But Shiro's words wouldn't have hit him so hard if he wasn't angling for them to be said in the first place. He was backing down. And Shiro ... a version of Shiro that wasn't entirely himself anymore ... of course he'd be frustrated.]

And I did what I could. But I didn't make it easier on ... him. You. It wasn't fair. I have to keep myself from doing it again.

[It's not like two years can completely erase all of Keith's vulnerabilities. Several years as Shiro's friend hadn't done the trick, and Shiro had tried. Some part of him knows he could return to that place.]

Though I guess that leaves a lot of decisions up to you. Once we have to make them.

Keith.

[ He's too worn to sound sharp, but there's an edge of something like disappointment to his voice. Not disappointment in Keith, but in how little credit he gives himself. Shiro can train him and guide him all he wants but Keith needs to be the one to recognize just how much he's done and how far he's come. This isn't something to argue. Some battles just...aren't worth fighting and Shiro recognizes that. ]

No. [ This, he's certain of. Keith may think he hangs the moon, but Shiro's realistic about this. He can't lead, not in this state. He shouldn't make any decisions, not until they know what is or isn't wrong with him. He shouldn't make decisions anyway - Black is Keith's now. He's the leader and Shiro knows how to gracefully step back, he hopes. ]

The team is yours, Keith. It has been for a while in spirit if not in name.

[Two years with his mother had been, in short, life changing. It wasn't that he had relied on Shiro's words alone, it was that he hadn't let anyone else get close enough to matter. Keith finally had to let go of the biases and false beliefs he held on to his entire life. He had to change what he thought and believed from the start. It's not that he didn't take the step forward when he got back. He did. It's just—

It's one thing to do it in a crisis. It's another thing to do it while Shiro is sitting there, afraid of himself.

Keith would write off Shiro's words, would point out otherwise, but he's well aware that he can't run anymore. His words were an attempt at that, but they were also an attempt at showing that Shiro is no less important. That's to him and the others. None of them would want to lose Shiro as a leader, just because they care about him.

Because he's way more seasoned than Keith will ever be. It's not like his mom spent a whole lot of time getting Keith prepared to think about others. He's still ... adjusting to being among a lot of people now.

Keith's head dips, and he finally nods.]

I understand. I'm ready. [It's a different take, a different approach, than before. Keith wonders if Shiro remembers that much. Maybe it's better if he doesn't. But it feels dishonest if he doesn't, so it's a mixed bag for Keith.]

I'd like it if you didn't stay here. On Earth. If you wouldn't mind coming back out there with us once Coran finishes the new ship.

[ Part of Shiro braces for an argument, not quite sure what to expect from this conversation but hoping that it goes smoothly. It's not that he thinks Keith wants to be complicated or argue, but he knows it's a sensitive subject, to say the very least and there's a level of delicacy that has to be had with it. ]

I know you are.

[ There's no piece of Shiro that doubts it. Keith is nothing if not capable and with everything that's happened Shiro knows that leaving the team in his hand, with Allura and Coran guiding is the right choice. He'll include himself in that roster once they've cleared him for duty and made certain that there aren't any lingering issues with what happened, but he's not sure how long that will take.

Maybe it'd be worthwhile to contact the Blade, since he's not certain that anywhere on Earth is equipped to handle whatever they would need to do with him. Weirdly, or perhaps not, he wishes Ulaz were still alive. He would be the best bet when it came to figuring out what the hell was done to him.

Picking a piece of pepperoni off the pizza, Shiro gives him a barely-there smile, popping it into his mouth. ]

I'll come. I can't...there'll always be a part of me that wants to stay here, to stay home, but I can't. Not with everything going on. Not while I'm effectively dead, here.

There's no reason why you have to stay dead. [Sometimes, Keith is too straightforward. When Shiro says he's effectively dead, Keith interprets it as something he's going to keep that way. Maybe he's afraid of hurting more people, but that just seems like a questionable move. That's probably because it sounds like something Keith himself would decide. That means it should be off the table. He has enough self awareness to make that call.]

I—I want you with us, but not if it means that you're avoiding everything you left behind. You'd tell me the same thing, if I were in your shoes.

[That's the thing, though. It was never Shiro who had been left behind. It was always Keith. His mom, his dad's death, and then Shiro. The recognition of it isn't in his words, but it might explain the simple, straightforward approach to the situation.]

...there are a few. At least for right now.

[ Shiro points it out as gently as humanly possible, realistic. ]

We'll need to talk to the rest of the team, first. I want to talk to the Holts, too. It isn't just my decision to make.

[ It's not his decision to make when it comes to announcing that they're all still somehow alive and he won't make that choice for them if he doesn't have to. They have family to worry about, too, and when it comes down to it they're going to have to get the Garrison involved in some capacity and that means they're going to have to be strategic about how they approach all of this. It's one thing to come back from the dead, but it's another to do it with a bunch of other people presumed dead and then tell everyone that aliens exist. ]

Until we're sure that I'm cleared of Haggar's influence, though, I can't be involved in any meetings determining locations, or anything important. That includes the Garrison and any personnel and families. I can't — I won't risk them.

[Keith knows that Shiro has no way of knowing how he was transferred to his body. Of all the memories, that was one that had to be absent. He wonders if he should point out the obvious here. Without Allura present to confirm anything, he doesn't want to risk it. What if he's wrong? What if there's a reason why Shiro is afraid? Keith doesn't even entirely know what Haggar did to him.

He looks uncomfortable with the prospect. He also knows he has to make a call. His emotions can't really take heed here, even if that's what they might have done in the past. He thinks of his mother, and how he had been running around in the Blade in a while without meeting her. It's ... it's complicated. She had been fine with putting off their bonding, right until the circumstances of the Quantum Abyss had forced it.

And now ...

Keith can't make this call for Shiro. But he can decide what the paladins do.]

We'll do everything we can to get you cleared before we leave. It's the least we can do.

[It would be tactless to point out that Haggar can already find them. Keith would have said the tactless thing before, but ... well ...

He goes with this instead:] But I—it was your arm. I think she did something to your arm. You came to after I cut it off. [There's a soft, uncomfortable rasp to his voice here.]

[ As if in response to Keith's comment about slicing it off, Shiro's arm aches despite there not being any arm left to ache. It's a strange thing to see, just this...nothingness there, sliced off nearly at the shoulder. After everything he's seen and everything that the paladins have encountered Shiro isn't worried about getting a new one but it's still going to be inconvenient for a while and he's going to have to learn and adapt until a new one is fixed up for him. It could be a while, especially if they're working on a new ship.

There's nothing he can do, not right now, certainly not until he's checked out which means sitting here, with Keith is about the best he can manage. ]

It...wouldn't surprise me if that were what caused it. [ He's not foolish enough to think that he secretly wanted to kill them, or that he was the reason he went after Keith. Everything in him aches to protect Keith, to keep him safe and watch him be successful. He wouldn't do that if he had a choice but he didn't. Quieter, like a confession he's not sure he wants to make,]

Part of me still thinks that there's something else, that she planned for that and could do it again.

[Keith's natural instinct is to rush to say that Haggar couldn't pull it off again. He wants to believe in that. But he ignores the defiance that fills up inside of his gut, instead forcing himself to pay attention to his experiences. What he saw on that planet said everything he needed to know. And Shiro—the Shiro that feels so separate from this Shiro, even if Keith couldn't bring himself to care about him any less—had brought him there. Lured him there. Like he needed to know the truth.

All evidence says that everything there is destroyed. That's something.]

She did have a plan. She had backups, too. [The soft rasp doesn't dissipate. Keith doesn't want to talk about this, but what he wants and what they need to do are two separate things in his moment.]

But ... I'm worried about you. About how long it'll take you to feel you're checked out. Will you ever feel that way?

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i can't keith i gotta pilot the white lion ok

be voltron's wings!!!

i wish we knew fuckin anything about shiro's fam

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