[It's not like the pain is anything unfamiliar, but this time, the source of it is a little ... unwanted. Or a lot. Every ache and pain reminds him that he doesn't know what he walked into with this, and he gets the feeling that just asking Rey still isn't going to deliver much of a picture. It's frustrating.
He sighs and looks away.]
I'm not really sure where to begin. You don't need to fight anyone, though. [That probably needs to be clear. Lance running off to fight someone with the Force sounds like a really bad idea. Keith could hold his own, and that was due to the circumstances at hand.]
It was a friend of Rey's. [I hate you. Hard to call someone a friend when he heard her say that—] I didn't even pick the fight. It just ... kind of happened.
[ He doesn't turn the power off to speak, just keeps it going, though trying to focus on both is a bit challenging. With the goats, all he'd had to do was--talk. Say anything, really. ]
What kind of 'friend' of Rey's? Who would just--can you...walk me through it?
I don't know. I mean—I can make some guesses. [Some, but they don't seem right. Maybe he should've talked to Rey, after all, but he's still feeling sore about everything. Emotionally, that is.]
When we got back, I tried to talk to him, and then I talked to Rey, and I realized it was a mistake. They—[Keith hates this. Not because it feels juvenile (though it does, a little, at least when he tries to mentally articulate it), but because it's difficult for him to put it to words.]
She's attracted to him. I guess. But it's pretty messed up. It's like if one of us were that way with Lotor or Zarkon. [Ha ha ha. His voice cracks a little on that final bit, like he's struggling to explain himself.]
[ Keith's tough to read on a good day, and without the details of the conversation that he isn't telling Lance about, Lance struggles to connect all the dots. ]
Don't talk about Zarkon like that, it's gross.
[ Unbeknownst to Keith, Lance is making his way back to his original assumption somewhat, which is that things between Rey and Keith can't be so innocent if a beau is getting mixed in, even if said beau is--well. ]
I didn't! [Keith can't help but snap, drawing on the frustration and anger of the day. Only he's tired, so he instantly regrets the surge of energy. Calm, calm, let the aches go away for the moment.]
I was asking him about a power that he shares with Rey. I knew it was a bad subject, but I wanted to try to get it. I thought it was about helping Rey with her war, only then I learned it was about him ... and her ... [Keith frowns. Deeply.]
I'm probably missing something with all that. [There's a hint of defeat to his voice.]
[ Lance's brows knit together, shrinking back from Keith's grousing. His feathers are a bit ruffled, but he can tell Keith is trying to reign himself in, so so does he. ]
So he just...attacked you? What's this guy's name, anyhow?
[ For the record, he's not intending to fight anybody, but he's definitely gonna keep tabs on this guy. The glow at his neck fades, leaving only the slightly raised ridge of his implant behind. ]
Kylo Ren. [Keith is worried about Lance trying to fight him.] He can read minds. Be careful around him. [There's the sense that Keith doesn't hate the guy, which is weird, given everything. But then, explosive, debilitating anger isn't exactly a foreign feature in his life. Trying to explain how he empathizes with the guy who choked and nearly killed him is—well, it's off the menu.]
[ A soft exhale. Lance's mouth is thin in his face, his gaze trained away from Keith and towards the window, where the sun is red on the horizon by now. ]
If he wiped the floor with you, I'll consider myself warned and leave it at that. [ Because Keith is the stronger combatant, and Lance is man enough to say it. But beyond that--Lance doesn't want to get involved in this...weird drama...more than he has to to defend his teammate. Ultimately, working things out with Rey is Keith's job, even if she's Lance's friend too. ]
You told me Rey was like, your best friend here. Did you guys have a fight?
It didn't seem like it. Not at first. She was mad I went to talk to him, but then ... [At this point, Keith shakes his head. It's hard to talk about this while knowing it's edging so close to the truth about him and Lance. Rey had asked him to be honest, and he doesn't feel like she's been honest, either.
The spiteful part of him (which doesn't make up a whole lot of Keith, no matter how grumpy he might seem at times) wants to not tell anyone anything until he knows why he almost died last night. That same part realizes that isn't a very helpful urge. At least.]
I told her I couldn't help her if it was about them being romantic. She seemed hurt. [Credit to Keith: he recognized that much?] I didn't think it was that kind of hurt. Something may have happened after we talked. I don't know.
No. [There's a swell of irritation here, as if it's somehow Lance's fault that he can't follow the soap opera drama of Keith's life in the last twenty four hours. To be fair, that's because Keith would prefer to keep his life drama free.
(This is Keith, though, the secretly half-Galran who carried around a knife connected to his past, so he's clearly living in some kind of delirium.)]
She told me that she wanted him to change sides. I wanted to help, so I talked to him about where he was coming from. It didn't help. I went to her about it, because I didn't want her to think I went behind her back. Only I realized then that I had the wrong idea about them the entire time. That it wasn't just about their war. And when she said it was about being ... like that, I said I couldn't help with it.
[A beat. Another beat.]
This is why I avoided this at the Garrison. [This!!! A vague this.]
[ God...asking Keith to describe social cues is like extracting water from a stone, or asking a blind man what colour the sky is. If it weren't for the bruises mottling Keith's neck and upper body, Lance would find it borders on endearing. Right now though, he just wants to keep this from happening again. ]
Keith, buddy--I know you wanted to help, but you should probably trust Rey on this one. Not--I'm not defending that psycho or anything! I'm saying you should let her handle him, and follow her lead. And as for the other stuff... [ Despite himself, he feels the corners of his mouth curl. ] The heart can't help itself, sometimes...or the pants, either. [ WHAT, IT'S TRUE ]
Blowing her off like that probably really hurt her feelings, especially coming from a close friend.
She was going it alone. Everyone from her world is mad that she's even trying to help. So I thought I'd do that. I thought—for once, I thought I'd try to understand. [The problem comes back to that inability to understand social cues. Anyone with half a brain would put together that her absorption with Kylo Ren and her way of referring to him might mean something else. He just thought that it might help her feel a little less alone.]
I thought ... I guess I thought she'd knew why I couldn't help her. Why I'd just make it worse when it comes to that stuff.
[ Oh, Keith. Lance can start to see where things broke down, at least. ]
It's good that you tried, but you gotta--you gotta talk to people, Keith. You can't just guess what they're thinking. [ He reaches over; Keith is still laid down, and Lance looms over him a bit, one hand on his shoulder. It's an almost big-brotherly gesture. ]
I think you're not giving yourself a chance, there. Even if you're not...into anyone, that doesn't mean you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes.
[ He 100% thinks Keith is telling him that he's asexual/aromantic. Sorry Keith. ]
I gave myself a chance, it just—[Ugh. Ugh. Lance is going to ask him when he gave himself a chance, and then it's going to snowball. For a moment, he freezes up. The brotherly shoulder pat is usually the trick here for someone like Keith, but it just doesn't work.
He shuffles into a better position, sitting up so that he can swing his legs onto the floor. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.]
I know you're gonna ask. So. There's—there's something I need to tell you. [He can't bring himself to meet Lance's gaze.]
[If Keith were really hoping to recover from this and never tell Lance, he would, in fact, say that. But that would require a bit of social awareness and thinking on his feet in social situations that he has never had. He can barely talk about defending the universe in subtle terms. He's not going to pull this one off.]
I already told you that we didn't date! [Someone down the hall probably heard that. Having to shout it also forced him to look at Lance.
His jaw sets as he reels it in. Slightly.]
We did. [A heavy beat.] You and me. Before you left.
[ Forced to confront the truth of what Keith's saying, Lance feels his world lurch on its axis. If Keith's not joking, then Keith and the old Lance dated.
Suddenly all he can see is Keith in front of him. The way they're positioned relative to each other, bodies turned towards each other, knees brushing, Lance's fingers against the meat of Keith's bicep, skin like a red-hot iron under the pads. Keith's sharp nose and jaw and his mouth and dark eyes.
Things slot into place: Keith's red face at the beach, his eyes drawn to Lance's glowing throat in the battle against the ogre, Keith saying she should know why and Hayame saying your companion and Keith sitting next to him and, uncertainly: that other guy and I were the only ones on this team for a while. A lot happened.
[His initial read on Lance's emotions had been nonexistent. So enclosed from the world (an act of his own making), he never got good at others. Half the time, his efforts with Rey and Loki go amiss. This entire conversation is proof of that. And now with Lance—he had failed to understand that Lance needed more from him before. And here he is, messing it up again.
Keith's body language is obvious as he hunches forward, looking out at the wall of his tiny room. Both of the cats move to the floor, debating going out to explore for a while. Who can blame them? His arms draw in on him, but he still doesn't cross them, hanging the forearms loosely against his knees.]
I-I just—[The same sentiment he said to Loki and Rey comes out now:] I just wanted to pretend that it never happened. [Keith knows somewhere deep down inside that he should be offering more words than that, to explain himself, but they seem to never make it to his lips.]
[ Pouring water on a fire seems like a good idea, until you do it. ]
Just--shut up, okay? [ Lance all but jumps up on unsteady legs, throat dry and eyes itching. His whole body is burning with--shame. Anger. Shame. ] I need some air.
[ He's out of the room in three ground-eating strides, nearly tearing the rice-paper door off its track. He leaves Keith with the cats, taking nothing into the twilight but his aching chest and spinning thoughts. ]
[At first, his throat feels tight at the image of the exiting Lance, and then he just feels a stirring of frustration and anger. The emotions are familiar, and at a time like this, familiar feels safe. He grits his teeth, grabs his Marmora blade, and pulls on his boots to head outside and hope he can find someone trying to cause trouble. It's ill-advised when he's still wearing the marks of the day before, but he needs to get his frustration out on something.
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He sighs and looks away.]
I'm not really sure where to begin. You don't need to fight anyone, though. [That probably needs to be clear. Lance running off to fight someone with the Force sounds like a really bad idea. Keith could hold his own, and that was due to the circumstances at hand.]
It was a friend of Rey's. [I hate you. Hard to call someone a friend when he heard her say that—] I didn't even pick the fight. It just ... kind of happened.
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What kind of 'friend' of Rey's? Who would just--can you...walk me through it?
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When we got back, I tried to talk to him, and then I talked to Rey, and I realized it was a mistake. They—[Keith hates this. Not because it feels juvenile (though it does, a little, at least when he tries to mentally articulate it), but because it's difficult for him to put it to words.]
She's attracted to him. I guess. But it's pretty messed up. It's like if one of us were that way with Lotor or Zarkon. [Ha ha ha. His voice cracks a little on that final bit, like he's struggling to explain himself.]
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Don't talk about Zarkon like that, it's gross.
[ Unbeknownst to Keith, Lance is making his way back to his original assumption somewhat, which is that things between Rey and Keith can't be so innocent if a beau is getting mixed in, even if said beau is--well. ]
What did you say to get him so worked up?
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I was asking him about a power that he shares with Rey. I knew it was a bad subject, but I wanted to try to get it. I thought it was about helping Rey with her war, only then I learned it was about him ... and her ... [Keith frowns. Deeply.]
I'm probably missing something with all that. [There's a hint of defeat to his voice.]
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So he just...attacked you? What's this guy's name, anyhow?
[ For the record, he's not intending to fight anybody, but he's definitely gonna keep tabs on this guy. The glow at his neck fades, leaving only the slightly raised ridge of his implant behind. ]
You feeling a little less crappy, at least?
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I do feel better. Thanks.
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If he wiped the floor with you, I'll consider myself warned and leave it at that. [ Because Keith is the stronger combatant, and Lance is man enough to say it. But beyond that--Lance doesn't want to get involved in this...weird drama...more than he has to to defend his teammate. Ultimately, working things out with Rey is Keith's job, even if she's Lance's friend too. ]
You told me Rey was like, your best friend here. Did you guys have a fight?
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The spiteful part of him (which doesn't make up a whole lot of Keith, no matter how grumpy he might seem at times) wants to not tell anyone anything until he knows why he almost died last night. That same part realizes that isn't a very helpful urge. At least.]
I told her I couldn't help her if it was about them being romantic. She seemed hurt. [Credit to Keith: he recognized that much?] I didn't think it was that kind of hurt. Something may have happened after we talked. I don't know.
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Sorry, I need to get this straight: you went to talk to him and didn't tell her, and then he attacked you, and then she was mad at you about it?
[ He's so confused, and also, this is like a real-life telenovela. Seriously. ]
I don't get why you told her that, dude. Can you help me fill in the blanks?
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(This is Keith, though, the secretly half-Galran who carried around a knife connected to his past, so he's clearly living in some kind of delirium.)]
She told me that she wanted him to change sides. I wanted to help, so I talked to him about where he was coming from. It didn't help. I went to her about it, because I didn't want her to think I went behind her back. Only I realized then that I had the wrong idea about them the entire time. That it wasn't just about their war. And when she said it was about being ... like that, I said I couldn't help with it.
[A beat. Another beat.]
This is why I avoided this at the Garrison. [This!!! A vague this.]
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Keith, buddy--I know you wanted to help, but you should probably trust Rey on this one. Not--I'm not defending that psycho or anything! I'm saying you should let her handle him, and follow her lead. And as for the other stuff... [ Despite himself, he feels the corners of his mouth curl. ] The heart can't help itself, sometimes...or the pants, either. [ WHAT, IT'S TRUE ]
Blowing her off like that probably really hurt her feelings, especially coming from a close friend.
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I thought ... I guess I thought she'd knew why I couldn't help her. Why I'd just make it worse when it comes to that stuff.
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It's good that you tried, but you gotta--you gotta talk to people, Keith. You can't just guess what they're thinking. [ He reaches over; Keith is still laid down, and Lance looms over him a bit, one hand on his shoulder. It's an almost big-brotherly gesture. ]
I think you're not giving yourself a chance, there. Even if you're not...into anyone, that doesn't mean you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes.
[ He 100% thinks Keith is telling him that he's asexual/aromantic. Sorry Keith. ]
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He shuffles into a better position, sitting up so that he can swing his legs onto the floor. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.]
I know you're gonna ask. So. There's—there's something I need to tell you. [He can't bring himself to meet Lance's gaze.]
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Wait.
That must mean-- ]
I knew it! You and Rey did date!
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I already told you that we didn't date! [Someone down the hall probably heard that. Having to shout it also forced him to look at Lance.
His jaw sets as he reels it in. Slightly.]
We did. [A heavy beat.] You and me. Before you left.
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[ He never manages to get out whatever was supposed to come next because the words die on his tongue.
Everything seems to--halt, for a moment. Blood roars in his ears. He feels...humiliated? Confused? His back straightens. ]
That's not funny, Keith.
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Can he play it off as a joke?
If Keith were a manga character at this moment, there would be lots of question marks around his head.]
Lance. I—I never joke. Why would I joke about this?
[He does joke, but this isn't ... anywhere near a Keith joke.]
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Suddenly all he can see is Keith in front of him. The way they're positioned relative to each other, bodies turned towards each other, knees brushing, Lance's fingers against the meat of Keith's bicep, skin like a red-hot iron under the pads. Keith's sharp nose and jaw and his mouth and dark eyes.
Things slot into place: Keith's red face at the beach, his eyes drawn to Lance's glowing throat in the battle against the ogre, Keith saying she should know why and Hayame saying your companion and Keith sitting next to him and, uncertainly: that other guy and I were the only ones on this team for a while. A lot happened.
He jerks back as if scalded.
'A lot', huh? Lance feels sick. ]
Because. That's--how could--Keith. [ Betrayal, sort of. ] Why didn't you tell me?!
[ Belore and Lion startle from the tone, but it's more like a hiss than a yell. ]
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Keith's body language is obvious as he hunches forward, looking out at the wall of his tiny room. Both of the cats move to the floor, debating going out to explore for a while. Who can blame them? His arms draw in on him, but he still doesn't cross them, hanging the forearms loosely against his knees.]
I-I just—[The same sentiment he said to Loki and Rey comes out now:] I just wanted to pretend that it never happened. [Keith knows somewhere deep down inside that he should be offering more words than that, to explain himself, but they seem to never make it to his lips.]
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Just--shut up, okay? [ Lance all but jumps up on unsteady legs, throat dry and eyes itching. His whole body is burning with--shame. Anger. Shame. ] I need some air.
[ He's out of the room in three ground-eating strides, nearly tearing the rice-paper door off its track. He leaves Keith with the cats, taking nothing into the twilight but his aching chest and spinning thoughts. ]
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Anything.]